


Break  Point

by bjfic_archivist



Category: Queer as Folk (US)
Genre: Angst, Canon, Drama, Michael Novotny Bashing, Points of View, Romance, Season/Series 04, Song Lyrics, What-If
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2006-01-22
Updated: 2006-02-06
Packaged: 2018-12-26 18:20:19
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 4
Words: 2,144
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12064470
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bjfic_archivist/pseuds/bjfic_archivist
Summary: What if....the whole Hobbs- payback didn't go as planned and Daphne was right ? How would they deal?





	1. Hallelujah.Tonight.

**Author's Note:**

> Note from IrishCaelan, the archivist: this story was originally archived at [The Brian/Justin Fanfiction Archive](http://fanlore.org/wiki/Brian_Justin_Fanfiction_Archive). To preserve the archive, I began importing its works to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project in September 2017. I posted announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are (or know) this creator, please contact me using the e-mail address on [The Brian/Justin Fanfiction Archive collection profile](http://archiveofourown.org/collections/bjfic/profile).

  
Author's notes: This story is dedicated to - I don't know. Dedicated to everyone here who believes in me. I love you all, even though I probably don't know you. *smiles*  
Say, how about setting up a forum/community/community forum? haha.  
Or just e-mail me. I'd love to be in touch. xxxL.  


* * *

JUSTINS POV

The weight of the gun resting in my pockets, presses into my leg. The road ahead seems blurry, clouded by my unshed tears. 'I can't believe you're doing this', the little voice in my head is whispering. Join the club. 

As I look to my left, I can see Cody walking. Marching to a future that he doesn't know as past. These demons are not his to fight. Fighting- with guns. The wrong way. 'Become the biggest fucking succes you can be' I know Brian, I know, I just - I'm scared. 

I was so happy that night. Prom and then you - showed up. I remember now. All of it.

But then I ... heard your voice, shouting my name. You were so scared, Brian. I had never heared a voice like that. 

and then he

s w u n g.

Am I that big of a deal? To you? To him? You - I - I can't believe I am doing this to you. I know you realize where I am headed. The place my feet and fears are leading me. And you let me. You don't even try to stop me. Because you care. You care so much, Brian. I even believe you love.

You will protect me. 

Just like you have before.

 

BRIANS POV

Jeff Buckley playing and I stare off into the emptiness. I can't seem to act. I should've done so many things, but I just - yelled.

Don't take him away.  
Please.

I live in hope.

I hope he's going to be okay, that after tonight it'll all be over.  
I hope he knows how much I love him, that while he's fighting demons he knows that I have fought love and have been defeated. 

" And my heart, O my soldiers, my veterans,   
My heart gives you love. " (W.Whitman)

Please. 

*

I search the soothiness of Beam, to act upon the words of Charles Hamilton Aidé:

"I sit by my lonely fire, and pray for wisdom yet:  
for calmness to remember  
and courage to forget."

The memories flood my brain, but calmness is nowhere near me now.

I remember.  
We were so happy that night, celebrating the victory of my defeat to love. We danced and loved and - we lived. 

I had never felt that much alive, until I held him in my arms that night. I lived before I died. 

I died holding him in my arms. It's supposed to be the other way around, I know. But- when have Justin and I ever been doing things the right way?

And then after. Night after night.

"Watching through windows  
I'm wondering if you're okay" E.Cassidy

He looked so fragile and beautiful. He was so young. But he knew love. I had never despised a hospital so much. And people were - accusing me, but breathing again because the old me had returned in their eyes. They are people of consistency. They were lost on me and him. Our relationship. Why he meant so fucking much to me, a man who had never let anyone knock down his walls.

Anyone but him. Anyone but him.

We were scared after that. I never showed him but he knew. And we were there for each other, we'd breathe and bleed together. He would wake up crying and I'd soothe him. It was okay,I told him, because we were both there. We'd survived. All but those little parts in us that were broken by the hollow sound of bats hitting bones.   
We were the other. 

Until he left, and several parts in me just - gave up. If I wasn't worth his time anymore, then what was I living for? I kept on going through the motions, dying every day. I lost him once again, only this time it was because of my own stupidity and stubborness. Not telling him because of pride. It was a reason to believe he'd never come back. But he did.  
And for the first time nothing could touch us. I lost a great deal of money, but that was okay, because it wouldn't have meant anything without him. No, that's a lie. It meant a great deal to me, because it showed my independence. Towards my god-fearing, homophobic parents. Towards my friends, I could take care of them if they needed it. Towards him, but he was there to catch me.  
Eventually, we landed on our feet and Kinnetic was born. We got our second chance.

The Big C's made their appearance on stage : Cancer and - Cody.

The night of fears and facts.

It ends tonight.


	2. Cry Me Your Tears Until Dawn Lights The World

  
Author's notes: Sorry this is such a short one, but it's sort of really intense. I promise the next ones'll be longer. Please let me know what you think...I keeps me alive.  


* * *

Justins POV

Façades, they - fade away after a while. And as I'm pointing the gun at Chris, mine slowly disappears into the darkness that surrounds. I'm not like him, I realize. I'm not 'all about revenge'. I just - I just don't know why I'm here anymore. I slowly lower my weapon and let him go. Make him leave. 

Nodding at Cody and throwing the gun at his feet,"I'm through with this." Rage comes all over his face, and he starts to scream, I can't understand it but I felt that

That was it. That was the moment I knew I wasn't going to make it. And, the weird thing is - all I could think about was him. Brian. I'm sorry, I'm sorry,so sorry - I'm |

|I heard the pulling of two triggers and 

then

the world was taken.|

 

Brians POV

I can tell the moment it fades away. The moment the image of revenge slips off of him and he becomes - Justin again. The breath the world was holding is released and my mind starts to make sense to me. And then -

I can feel the cold. Feel the wounds and I know I've failed again. I run and ride and arrive, I - cry. I have seen this before. I swore to myself I'd never see it again, that I wouldn't let me. I wasn't blind to this, but didn't - I didn't...

I didn't save him from this hurt. 

I cover him with my body, arms and face. I let him feel my heart while sirens are wailing, coming closer. 

 

I held him all night long.


	3. Blackbird

  
Author's notes: Well, I had to put While You were sleeping in this chap, in the same context it appears in in my life. Every time I am sick, I watch While You were sleeping. I love it. I really do. Ooh, and when you come to the part : "He takes a knife out" keep on reading, I promise, NO CARACTERS WERE HARMED DURING THE WRITING OF THIS CHAPTER. *smiles* Love y'all.  


* * *

Just

keep

breathing

and then he'll be allright.

Thoughts   
thoughts   
thoughts 

so many.

And my feet they keep on pacing this damn floor, in this damn hallway I have paced before. 

But this isn't like last time, this time he'll be fine, and I'll be there for him, I won't run away. Not again. I promised, blood on blood. 

And when he wakes up, I'll tell him. I will, I promise. I swear. This won't be a bloodoath. He's already lost too much.

 

: Almost a year and a half ago | almost night | almost forever : 

"Brian" he whispers, his head resting on my chest, watching < While you were sleeping > on DVD - he loves that movie, says it reminds him of before, a time when he'd watch it every time he was sick, rolled up on the sofa, a blanket draped over him and dreaming about love being that way.

"Uhu" I kiss him on the side of his head, wiping his hair out of his eyes, an act I love to do when no one's looking. 

"I need you to promise me something." I look at him, knowing I won't like what's coming.

"You know I never promise." I start shaking my head, and start to get uncomfortable, shifting my position. 

"Ok, not promise, but I need to know..." He looks up at me with hopeful eyes before daring to continue. I blink once to let him know it's ok, I don't mind (I secretly do, and he secretly knows). "If I get hurt again, will you run?" Uh- What? I take his head in my hands and gently shake it. " Justin, you won't get hurt again. So just put that idea out of your head." I say in my that's-it-because-I-said-so - voice. 

His eyes seem sad as he tells me," You don't know that...I mean any - "

"NO, Justin, I do know that."I stand up and start pacing. He CAN'T get hurt again, I just - don't want to think about, I -. I won't be able to go through those things again. To feel thát way again. I had never felt so raw and open and - broken. I won't feel that way again. I wouldn't live. 

But when I turn around he is still looking at me with this - emotion in his eyes. Expectation. Trust. Love. I walk to the kitchendrawer and get a knife out. I cut his hand, a tiny scratch and cut mine the same way, the same place, feeling the same... I take his hand in mine, envelop him in my arms and whisper : "Feel this? This is real. I'm not going anywhere." 

He looks at me and while tears are in his eyes he  
smiles.

 

: present time | the corridor | almost dying :

 

I close my eyes and see that particular smile and that's when I know 

he will pull through this.

I can feel it.

 

"Mr. Kinney?"


	4. Freebird

  
Author's notes: I am just too bad. Once I start writing, I can't stop...*blushes* Next chap'll be up when I get inspiration...Shouldn't take long. *laughs* Love y'all.  
  


* * *

" Mr. Kinney?"

" Yes?" I'm okay now - I think.

" You are here for Justin Taylor?" I nod, wishing she'd get on with it. She looks like a nice person, not like the grinch who treated Justin last time. 

And then she smiles and I breathe. "Very well, let's sit down shall we? I assume this pacing of yours has been wearing you out." Come to think of it, my feet *are* killing me. "Your partner has been suffering from a great deal of internal bleeding, and his arm has broken in 2 places, but he WILL recover from everything without any difficulties. I am very glad to say that his head has been unharmed during the attack, or we would've been dealing with a lot worse."

Thank you. " Can I see him?" She nods and gestures me to follow her, talking about how he is, what they have done, when he will awaken, but my mind only progresses one thing : "He's ok."

We stop in front of a room with white walls and a blue door and she pauses a minute . "Be gentle,"she tells me, "He's in a lot of pain. I'll check in on you guys later." 

: ROOM 5632 :

I sit by his bedside and look at his pale, sleeping form. Slowly kiss his lips before placing that same hand where I cut it on his. The same cut, the same place, the same feeling. "I'm here, Jus.I'm not running. I just love you too goddamn much."

*

JUSTINS POV

I open my eyes at the rhythm the heartmonitor is setting and feel his hand in mine. I hear the words he whispered that night "Feel this? This is real.I'm not going anywhere." He is sound asleep and I kiss his head, running the fingers of my untangled hand through his hair.   
He opens his eyes and sees. He sees me and smiles. Kisses me on the lips and telling them he loves me. And then he t

Wait. What? 

I make a sound that can't be described (it sounds a little like "Oww" or "Ooh?" mixed with "What?") and then the tears start flowing. He wipes them away with his thumb, taking my head in his hands and whispers : "Yeah. I love you." A silent tear rolls down his cheek and his breath hitches during a laugh (it's cute how nervous he is. I understand. understand Brian. This is a really big deal for him) " If you didn't know that by now, you're a fullblown idiot."I smile at him and press my forhead against his." I knew. 

I love you too and I'm - I'm so sorry, Bri." 

He just shakes his head and kisses me.


End file.
